God is so AWESOME!!! This week has been so amazing. I have so much to say and i have no idea where to begin! So i will start with the lesson i learned about Jesus. I never realized how much Jesus truly loves us i mean i 'knew' but never experienced! Once you are captivated by Jesus there is nothing else in the world like it. I am challenged here to memorize scripture which has always been really hard for me to do but with God's help i am accomplishing it! I have also been experiencing more intimate prayer with God and the holy spirit has exploded into my life.
As far as learning about my self i didn't realize how many walls i have actually put up. I didn't understand why i felt so hurt by certain people but God is transforming my heart! We have small groups here and one person who is on staff that we tell everything to. I have learned that i didn't look at myself as worth it to God. I have always been really good at loving others but never really good at loving myself and it comes down to the fact that i don't feel worth it. I realized that even if my problems are small to everyone elses there still big to me and there my own. I cant compare myself to anyone and their story.
So far I done basic chores around the base, this week i am in charge of cooking dinner for 100 people and its so much fun! I have gone to a breakfast shelter in the morning to help feed kids before they head off to school. We do alot of intercession here and i have never worshiped God so much in my life before! This weekend we climbed up the mount and went cliff jumping into the ocean, well i wasn't aloud to jump off the cliff cause the tide was stronger then we though and when kyle went to jump in he got banged up pretty bad from the waves crashing him into the rocks and my friend Erika got pulled under. So maybe next time i will be able to jump.
This season right now is about getting right with God and allowing him to take everything. To be honest the first week i was pretty numb to the holy spirit and wasn't getting to much out of the lectures. Then one day while everyone was full of laughter i was so frustrated cause i knew all this stuff about God but i couldn't feel him. So Johelen prayed for me and said that i need to let go of the things that i knew and start over so that God can truly change me. Then Matilda came and just embraced me in her arms and told me that i was loved and gave me the verse Pslam 39:7 and it says " But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you". I had just gave him everything and i didn't know where to look and this confirmed that i should keep my gaze upon him and put my hope and trust in only him.
I love and miss you all !!
Psalm 34:4 Ecclesiastes 5:2-3
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