Yesterday while in bed I was listening to the trains go by wondering what is the purpose of me being here? I have been in India for 5 weeks and for a 1/5 of that time I have been so sick I was hardly able to get out of bed. I am not able to financially supply all their needs or wants while here. I have to use a translator in order to speak to the ones who need to hear the goods news. The atmosphere is so heavy you can feel the weight pulling you down in every task. I learned a long time ago that I cant change the whole world but thats not what I'm questioning. I mean to me it seems like there could be much more accomplished if i was someone else. Not saying I want to be someone else cause I don't but I question why me, here and now? And while I realize I can't change anything Gods says I have got it all wrong.
God touches my heart and asks "Em do you trust me? " I remember my prayers of asking him to use me for his plans but then here I am now questioning them.
This last week we have been working with street kids. So around 9 in the morning kids who live on the street come for a temporary escape . Showers, food, clothes, songs and bible teachings take place for the next 5 hours Monday thru Friday.
So the other day this little girl comes running in and gives me this massive hug, the joy of being remembered. As she hugs me the smell of her is so strong and her little bare feet are covered with grim. While we wait for her turn in the shower she sits on my lap and plays with my hair. Now every kid has lice. So this little girl who has lice, smells and is dirty needs someone to accept her. For some reason my desire isn't to turn away but to embrace her to show her that she has worth. Yeah it costs me to get lice and my cloths dirty but she knows she is loved. As we proceed through the day I gave her a shower which was ice cold, washed her clothes, ate with her then she had to go back onto the streets.
I was so torn knowing that this life on the street isn't very easy to fix and though we are living with 6 kids who have an opportunity to get out of the streets there parents still think the street life is better. As I'm being torn I feel God patching what is ripping to better me and to bring glory to his name.
The question is do I trust God ? Right now I trust that my laugh, encouragement , friendship, smile, prayer and playfulness is accomplishing all that God wants. If I don't trust God in the things that he has planned I'm not going to be able to stand firm.
Please continue to pray for India and the kids living on the streets.
Also pray for Loch she is the person who runs the ministry here and the tumors in her stomach are growing again.
God touches my heart and asks "Em do you trust me? " I remember my prayers of asking him to use me for his plans but then here I am now questioning them.
This last week we have been working with street kids. So around 9 in the morning kids who live on the street come for a temporary escape . Showers, food, clothes, songs and bible teachings take place for the next 5 hours Monday thru Friday.
So the other day this little girl comes running in and gives me this massive hug, the joy of being remembered. As she hugs me the smell of her is so strong and her little bare feet are covered with grim. While we wait for her turn in the shower she sits on my lap and plays with my hair. Now every kid has lice. So this little girl who has lice, smells and is dirty needs someone to accept her. For some reason my desire isn't to turn away but to embrace her to show her that she has worth. Yeah it costs me to get lice and my cloths dirty but she knows she is loved. As we proceed through the day I gave her a shower which was ice cold, washed her clothes, ate with her then she had to go back onto the streets.
I was so torn knowing that this life on the street isn't very easy to fix and though we are living with 6 kids who have an opportunity to get out of the streets there parents still think the street life is better. As I'm being torn I feel God patching what is ripping to better me and to bring glory to his name.
The question is do I trust God ? Right now I trust that my laugh, encouragement , friendship, smile, prayer and playfulness is accomplishing all that God wants. If I don't trust God in the things that he has planned I'm not going to be able to stand firm.
Please continue to pray for India and the kids living on the streets.
Also pray for Loch she is the person who runs the ministry here and the tumors in her stomach are growing again.
EM! you are amazing! I know God is using you in India. Keep pressing in mate and keep going hard out. You are doing so much you don't even know. God has YOU..Emily Grace Koerner..there in India doing what you are doing for a reason. Believe mate, believe. Have faith and know and believe because you are making a difference!
ReplyDeletePraying for you and am SO proud as you allow God to work in and through you. The Gospel really isn't complicated.... I share with you again my favorite picture of ministry from St. Francis of Assisi "Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words" that is exactly what you are doing Emily. Praying for God's strength and all His provisions and it's through this refining that you reflect His image more each day as you allow Him to use you.
ReplyDeleteDear Emily,
ReplyDeleteYou are doing an amazing job of showing these kids the love of Christ and being a light to them. It's awesome that you are taking risk of getting lice. It reminds me of John chapter 13 when Jesus washing his disciples feet. And how humble Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior was by washing his disciples feet. That's what you are doing, being humble and serving these children and the people of India. It's okay to question things you are going through. I don't know all the details but Im sure you are going through a lot. Some times God doesn't show his big plan but step by step. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD (Isaiah 55:8). God has a bigger plan than you can ever imagine even if our imagination is to serve the Lord. "Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen"(Ephesians 3:20-21). When I was in Nicaragua last summer I question myself too why God put me here and now. It was only for a week and I believe we can't get things done in a week but in that week God sanctify me. I learned a lot in a week, it's not about time or how many people are saved or not. Honestly I don't know if anything changed in Nicaragua or not. But I believe that God had me there for a reason and we don't get to see the seed grow. "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them" (Romans 8:28). Their is much things in the world that we do not see but God is sovereign over it all. God works at his own time and not of the world. It is God ultimate job and his responsibility. Our job is to be a servant and preach the gospel on how our Lord and Savior died on the cross for us. I will be praying for you and for Loch. Don't beat yourself up or lose hope. He is working through you and with you in India and the rest of your entire life. Your are not doing this alone. Keep up with the fight! God bless you Emily Koerner!
You guys are awesome. Thank you so much.
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