As I sit here in my room waiting for God to answer my prayers I wonder “what am I doing”? I don’t want to fall into the same trap of taking control of my life. I gave control to God and I plan on keeping it that way, no matter how hard it is sometimes to just trust. I don’t know about you but I’ve never had to trust God with every moment of my life, I have trusted him in some moments but not all.
As I am trying to figure out the next step of my life I realize just that, I am planning, not surrendering. It is so easy to brain storm alone and add him into the plans when I have it “figured out”. I don’t want to run ahead of God, I want to walk hand in hand with him through this life time.
In this world the right steps to a “happy “life are to get a degree, a nice car, an attractive spouse, a house and then have some kids. All the while trying to play the ladder game, the higher you get the more successful you are and that is what determines your worth. I can say that I my eyes have been opened and I pray that I never fall into the trap of this game.
To me those things aren’t bad but I can’t help but wonder if those things make people happy why God would call his disciples to share everything. Read Acts 4:32-36. I think when we get those things by our own strength we have no need to trust in God because we have made ourselves our own God. We rely on ourselves more than we do him. I believe we become distracted when those become our priorities and goals. God has called everyone to complete different tasks. If we are too afraid to leave our stuff if we are asked to go, then to me that is a red flag that your stuff is more important than God’s calling. Don’t freak out yet, God does not call everyone to pick up and leave where they are but would you be willing to do it if he asked you?
It is easier for me to leave home because I don’t have those things to think about; however I need to make sure that I keep considering that question in all the stages of my life. For me the hard part is trusting in him. I know that the next chapter of my life is to trust that he is my provider. This sounds normal but when you are called overseas and only have about 4 months to prepare it can becomes a little stressful if I’m not careful. I know that there is no way to make the amount of money I need to go where he wants me to go. So instead of trying to work my life away I’m going to have a normal job, spend my money carefully and also continue to be investing it in other people. I know it sounds crazy to give away the money that I’m going to make but I’m trusting God’s words “you reap what you sow”.
At first I didn’t understand the importance of this call but it’s actually a blessing. God wants me to trust him with everything he wants to be there for me and he wants to prove that he will never leave my side. My hope is that after this chapter I will be able to have total fear of the Lord and put my hope into him. After this my doubts and fears will continue to be something that can’t hold me back. I’m excited to be called to live by faith and it will do just that increase my faith in a loving, holy, all knowing God.
Romans 8 & Romans 12
1 Corinthians 2
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