Torn

 Yesterday while in bed I was listening to the trains go by wondering what is the purpose of  me being here? I have been in India for 5 weeks and for a  1/5 of that time I have been so sick I was hardly able to get out of bed. I am not able to financially supply all their needs or wants while here. I have to use a translator in order to speak to the ones who need to hear the goods news. The atmosphere is so heavy you can feel the weight pulling you down in every task. I learned a long time ago that I cant change the whole world but thats not what I'm questioning. I mean to me it seems like there could be much more accomplished if i was someone else. Not saying I want to be someone else cause I don't but I question why me, here and now?  And while I realize I can't change anything Gods says I have got it all wrong.
God touches my heart and asks "Em do you trust me? " I remember my prayers of asking him to use me for his plans but then here I am now questioning them.

This last week we have been working with street kids. So around 9 in the morning kids who live on the street come for a temporary escape . Showers, food, clothes, songs and bible teachings take place for the next 5 hours Monday thru Friday.

So the other day this little girl comes running in and gives me this massive hug, the joy of being remembered. As she hugs me the smell of her is so strong and her little bare feet are covered with grim. While we wait for her turn in the shower she sits on my lap and plays with my hair. Now every kid has lice. So this little girl who has lice, smells and is dirty needs someone to accept her. For some reason my desire isn't to turn away but to embrace her to show her that she has worth. Yeah it costs me to get lice and my cloths dirty but she knows she is loved. As we proceed through the day I gave her a shower which was ice cold, washed her clothes, ate with her then she had to go back onto the streets.

I was so torn knowing that this life on the street isn't very easy to fix and though we are living with 6 kids who have an opportunity to get out of the streets there parents still think the street life is better. As I'm being torn I feel God patching what is ripping to better me and to bring glory to his name.

The question is do I trust God ? Right now I trust that my laugh, encouragement , friendship, smile, prayer and playfulness is accomplishing all that God wants. If I don't trust God in the things that he has planned I'm not going to be able to stand firm.

Please continue to pray for India and the kids living on the streets.
Also pray for Loch she is the person who runs the ministry here and the tumors in her stomach are growing again.

Called to Love

Today we leave Chennai today and it is very sad to have to say goodbye to such wonderful people. During these last 4 weeks here I have really learned a lot about Gods heart for people. It is a lesson that I continue to grow in and love receiving his love for others. Although God continues to call me to different places his expectations for me never changes. Where ever I go I am to follow his commands. He tells us that the greatest commands are to love him with all of our being and to love our neighbors as ourselves. The enemy will try to trick me into having to do all these "good" things in order to have worth and please God. However God is only interested in my heart and obedience to what he says, not what I think he says. 

During this time I pretty much just loved. I prayed, ate, worshiped, danced, cleaned and laughed with the people of India. I don't have a crazy story about how I moved a mountain but I loved and I loved with my whole heart. The enemy can deceive us in thinking that just showing kindness and being patient with one another isn't it enough, but it is enough and its what the Lord has called us to do. Not only was I able to love the people of India I got the opportunity to challenge and encourage them with Gods word. Every lesson I preached and every scripture I read was for me just as much as it was for them. God was present and working and I could feel it in my spirit and the people of India could as well. 

God has used this time so far to show me what my life should look like daily, whether I am in India, Australia, Fiji or home my life and actions should all look the same. When I was home it was easy to say once I'm gone in this place I will do this and make excuses. I should have my missions mind while I am at home. So I continue to learn as I go but this revelation is such an amazing one and I hope I can continue to live it out with Gods strength.